The Back-to-School Reset: Helping Kids Ease Into a New School Year

School is starting again for most families over the next few days and weeks. The majority of families I work with (well over 80%) are struggling in some way, shape, or form right now. Kids are burnt out. Parents are burnt out. For many families, it can feel like everyone is simply dragging themselves toward the finish line.

And now we're supposed to start fresh again.

There is a lot of explicit and implicit messaging on social media about the beginning of a new school year as though it is supposed to be this universally exciting, positive experience: the smiling child on the front steps, brand-new backpack, endless possibilities, and everyone feeling ready to start fresh.

But we know it is much more nuanced than that. The beginning of a school year can be a very mixed bag.

Kids may be excited to see friends and get back into a routine while simultaneously feeling anxious about a new teacher, new expectations, unfamiliar classmates, increased demands, or whether they will be able to keep up. Parents can feel relieved to have a predictable schedule again while also worrying about how their child is going to manage all of those demands.

Sometimes the goal isn't to make our children excited about school. Sometimes the goal is simply to help their nervous systems feel safe enough to get through the transition. Sometimes the first few weeks are messy. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes there is more rigidity, more meltdowns, more sensory seeking, more sibling conflict, more exhaustion, or more "I don't want to go!" than we anticipated.

And that doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It also doesn't mean your child is failing. It means their system is working incredibly hard to adjust.

If you have specific concerns about your child's transition back to school, their teacher, their accommodations, their sensory needs, anxiety, IEP/504, or simply how you're going to get everyone out the door in the morning, please communicate directly with your child's school (teacher, principal, social worker), or you can always consult with a child therapist who offers parent coaching (like me!)

Here are some good reminders regarding back-to-school transitions:

1.  Back-to-School Countdown

Making things concrete is always helpful, especially for younger children. Create a visual countdown to the first day of school:

• Use a calendar and let the child mark off each day.

• Make a paper chain and remove one link each day.

• Try a countdown board with post-it notes showing how many days are left and one fun or reassuring activity for each day.

• Example:

  
  

  5 days left: Pack your backpack

  
  

  4 days left: Pick your outfit

  
  

  3 days left: Practice your morning routine

2.  What We Know vs. What We Don’t Know

Use visual aids to review:

• What we know:

  • Print out the class schedule.

  • Use photos or drawings of the classroom, school, teacher, etc.

  • Remind them what they saw at Back-to-School Night.

  • Emphasize what will stay the same (e.g., morning drop-off, bringing lunch, etc.).

• What we don’t know:

  • Be honest about uncertainties (new classmates, different routines).

  • Emphasize adaptability and having a plan for surprises.

3.  Morning Routine with Connection & Fun

Help your child feel empowered and connected:

• Create a visual checklist with icons or photos:

  • Brush teeth 

  • Get dressed 

  • Pack backpack 

• Include fun moments:

  • 2-minute dance party.

  • Play a morning playlist on the way to school.

  • A silly joke or special hug before leaving. Rituals are very helpful and create playfulness to disarm threat and anxiety.

4.  Safe Adults at School

• Remind them who their safe adults are:

  • Teacher

  • School counselor or social worker

  • Principal

  • Front office staff

• Use a photo chart or draw little stick figure "helpers" to make it friendly.

5.  Night Before Check-In

Do a calm and curious check-in:

• Ask curiosity questions:

  • “I wonder what you’re most excited about?”

  • “I wonder what might feel a little tricky tomorrow?”

• If they share worries, validate them:

“It makes sense that you’re worried about who you’ll sit with at lunch. That’s a big unknown, and those can feel scary. (Pause, do not rush into "fix it" mode too quickly) Let’s think together: what could you do if that happens?”

6.  Focus on Possibilities, Not Promises

Avoid saying things we can’t guarantee, like:

•  “You’ll definitely make friends.”

•  “It’s going to be awesome.”

Instead, say:

•  “You’ll have chances to meet new people.”

•  “Starting fresh can be hard… and it’s also a new beginning. We got this.”

7.  Read Back-to-School Books

Especially helpful for younger kids:

• The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

• Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes

• First Day Jitters by Julie Danneberg

8.  Practice “The Morning Of”

Make it playful:

• Take turns racing to get dressed and pack up.

• Let your child “be the parent” for a round and walk you through the routine.

9.  If There’s a Crisis on the First Morning…

• Take a deep breath. If you're late, it’s still okay.

• Provide co-regulation: be calm, present, and supportive.

• If your child is overwhelmed:

  • Step in to assist gently (dressing, packing).

  • Keep the drop-off short and loving:

“I love you no matter what. This feels hard. I’ll see you right after school. If you feel sad, think of our kissing hand.”

This is a great video that walks through different kiddos temperaments and how to help them individually with going back to school

How to Help Your Child overcome Back to School Anxiety

This is a great list of books regarding back to school or separation anxiety

RECOMMENDED BOOKS ABOUT BACK-SCHOOL ANXIETY