Talking to Your Child About Play Therapy

So, you've decided to begin play therapy and you're wondering how to explain it to your child, or maybe you're wondering what play therapy actually is yourself.

If you've never experienced play therapy before (the majority of people haven't), it can feel a little mysterious, and maybe even silly. You might wonder: What exactly happens in that playroom? How does playing help? What am I supposed to tell my child? And how will I know if it's working?

So, What Is Play Therapy?

When adults go to therapy, we often sit in a chair or on a couch and talk. There are many different forms of talk therapy, but language is typically one of our primary ways of processing experiences, emotions, relationships, and challenges.

Children communicate differently. Their ability to understand and express complex experiences is still developing, and many experiences are easier to communicate through something concrete and familiar rather than through a conversation that requires abstract language.

Children have a language, too. It's called play.

Play therapy provides children with a developmentally appropriate way to communicate, explore, process, and make meaning of their experiences. And play therapy doesn't look the same for every child. For one child, play might involve elaborate imaginative stories and characters. For another, it might involve board games, puppets, miniatures, art, or a sandbox. Another child might spend significant time with fidgets, slime, movement, or sensory tools while talking about their day. There isn't one "right" way to play.

When your child enters the playroom, they're not simply "having fun," although I certainly hope they experience the playroom as a place where they feel safe, comfortable, and engaged.

They're communicating. They're exploring. They're processing. The sandtray, art supplies, dollhouse, puppets, games, sensory tools, and other materials can become part of their language.

The play therapist's role is to be present, observe, understand, and support that communication. Depending on the child and the approach being used, the therapist may reflect what they notice, offer observations, model regulation, introduce skills, or gently help the child explore emotions, relationships, and alternative ways of responding.

Play therapy is also a well-established therapeutic modality with a substantial research base. You can explore research resources through the Association for Play Therapy here:

Research Resources - Association for Play Therapy.

Before You Talk to Your Child About Therapy, Check In With Yourself

Before explaining play therapy to your child, I encourage parents to get curious about their own feelings about starting therapy. I've seen it all: parents who practically jump through the computer screen to give me a hug during our virtual intake, all the way to parents who are dreading getting started.

And honestly? There is no wrong place to be. When you become a parent, you aren't necessarily envisioning the moment when you'll need to reach out to a stranger for support for your child. It can bring up worry, guilt, uncertainty, fear, or even grief. If you have strong feelings about therapy, take some time to explore those feelings with your child's therapist.

This matters because children are incredibly perceptive. You can tell your child, "This is going to be great!" while your body language, facial expression, or tone communicates something completely different. Your child may pick up on the nonverbal message before they hear the words. We actually talk about this a lot throughout the play therapy process. This is called incongruence, and it's incredibly dysregulating.

You don't need to pretend you're completely comfortable if you're not. Instead, work toward becoming genuinely comfortable enough with the process that your child doesn't feel responsible for managing your feelings about therapy.

Make the Unknown Known

Many children experience anxiety around new experiences simply because they don't know what is going to happen. One of the most helpful things we can do is make the unknown known.

Before the first appointment, I often recommend giving children concrete information about what they can expect. This might include showing them pictures of the therapist, the office, or the playroom. I also sometimes tell parents to notice a specific thing in the room that your child likes playing with and mention that to them. You can decide how you want to refer to me. Some families like feelings teacher, while in otther families, therapist is normalized, and they prefer to use the word therapist. It's up to you. You might say something like:

"Your dad and I got to meet a special lady named Lindsey today. She has a really cool job. She gets to play with kids in her office and help them work through things that feel hard or challenging. You will get to meet with Lindsey one-on-one, and then Dad and I will also meet with her so we can learn how to support you and be the best parents for you. What do you think?"

For some children, that may be enough. Others may have many questions:

Why am I going?

Why do I have to go and my sibling doesn't?

What if I don't know what to do?

What if Lindsey asks me questions?

What if I don't want to play?

These questions are opportunities to provide more information rather than something we need to immediately reassure away. You can explain that therapy is a place where they will have choices and that they don't have to know exactly what to say or do before they arrive.

Your Child Isn't the Only One Participating in Therapy

One misconception about play therapy is that the child is the only person receiving support.

That's not how I view the process at all. Parents and caregivers are an important part of treatment.

Your child gets their own space to play, communicate, and build a therapeutic relationship. At the same time, parents and caregivers are often meeting with the therapist, learning about their child's unique nervous system and perceptions, discussing what is happening outside of therapy, and identifying ways to support their child at home.

Therapy is something we do with your child, not something we simply do to your child.

Your child should not feel like they are solely responsible for fixing the things that brought the family to therapy.

What Should I Tell My Child About What They Need to Talk About?

You can absolutely let your child know why they're starting therapy. However, I don't recommend giving them a list of things they must discuss.

For example, if your child had a difficult experience at school, you can say:

"You can tell Lindsey about anything that's been hard at school if you want to."

Rather than:

"You need to tell Lindsey what happened at school."

Children need opportunities to experience agency and autonomy within therapy. Sometimes the thing they need to work through first isn't the thing adults think they need to work through.

The therapist can gently explore themes over time without requiring the child to immediately disclose or discuss a particular event. The theme of the incident can even naturally come up through play without the child ever disclosing something specific (for example, the experience of getting in trouble at school can often occur through play).

What Should I Expect During the First Few Sessions?

Relationships take time. Some children walk into the playroom and immediately begin playing and talking. Others need several sessions to warm up. Some children may appear quiet, hesitant, silly, distracted, highly active, or unsure of what to do.

None of these automatically mean therapy isn't working. The child is getting to know a new person and a new environment. They are figuring out:

Can I trust this person?

Will I be judged?

Will I be told what to do?

Can I say no?

What happens if I make a mistake?

Will someone make me talk about things I don't want to talk about?

For neurodivergent children in particular, communication and play may look different from what adults traditionally expect. Play may involve repetition, sensory exploration, movement, collecting, organizing, intense interests, or activities that don't initially appear connected to the concerns that brought the child to therapy.

What About Parent Check-Ins?

Families differ in what works best. Some children transition easily from their individual session while their parent meets privately with the therapist. Other children have a harder time separating from caregivers, knowing that adults are talking about them, or waiting while their parent meets with the therapist. There isn't one right answer.

Parent check-ins can happen immediately after the child's session, separately, virtually, or in another arrangement depending on the child's needs and the family's circumstances. The important thing is that we approach this collaboratively.

What Happens as Therapy Continues?

As the therapeutic relationship develops, children often begin to communicate more of what feels difficult for them through themes. Common themes can include birth trauma, anxiety, fear, unpredictability, lack of control, disconnection/dissociation, medical trauma (and others), change, grief, confusion and low self-esteem. That communication may happen through play, conversation, behavior, art, movement, sensory experiences, or some combination of these.

The therapist may begin helping the child notice patterns, develop emotional language, practice regulation strategies, explore different perspectives, and experiment with new ways of responding.

A significant part of this process is also the therapist's own regulation. Children don't just learn from what we tell them. They experience what it feels like to be with an adult who remains present, curious, and regulated when things become difficult.

How Do We Know If We're Making Progress?

Progress in play therapy doesn't always look like a child suddenly "behaving better." Sometimes progress is very small.

A child who previously avoided a board game might eventually decide to try it.

A child might begin noticing sensations in their body.

A child who typically gives up might persist for another minute.

A child might recover from disappointment a little more quickly.

A child might tolerate someone else making a different choice.

A child might begin asking for a break instead of physical reacting.

A child might start trusting their own preferences and begin to use an assertive voice.

A child might make a mistake and discover that the relationship remains safe.

Parents, along with their children when developmentally appropriate, can identify treatment goals around the situations, experiences, or patterns they would like to change. I also encourage parents to identify their own parenting goals.

My job is to connect what we are seeing in the playroom to those broader goals whenever possible. The playroom is a contained environment. It is generally more predictable and safer than the outside world. Because of this, we may see changes in the playroom before we see them consistently at home or school.

The real world is constantly changing. There are new demands, unexpected situations, other people's emotions and circumstances that are outside of your child's control. The goal is to gradually help them carry new experiences, skills, awareness, and a greater sense of safety into their everyday world.

How Long Will Play Therapy Take?

This is one of the questions I hear most often, and there isn't one universal answer.

The length of therapy depends on many factors, including:

• the complexity of the concerns

• how frequently sessions occur

• the child's developmental and individual needs

• parental involvement

• family resources and supports

• what is happening in the child's environment

• opportunities to practice and integrate new strategies outside of the playroom

Many of the families I work with are navigating complex, multifaceted challenges. For some children, therapy may be relatively short-term. For others, therapy may continue for a longer period of time.

Sometimes therapy also has a natural stopping point. Sometimes families take a break and return years later because a new developmental stage, transition, or life circumstance brings up something they would like additional support navigating.

Confidentiality and Parental Involvement

Children deserve a private space where they can communicate without worrying that every detail will immediately be repeated to their parents. I explain to children the difference between secrets and confidentiality. Specific play or conversations generally remain private. If a child wants to tell their parent what happened in therapy, they absolutely can. But parents should not expect the therapist to provide a detailed report of everything their child said or did.

Instead, parent communication generally focuses on themes, patterns, progress, and ways caregivers can support the child.

There are important limits to confidentiality. If there is a significant safety concern or information that needs to be shared to protect the child or someone else, the therapist will involve the appropriate adult.

There may also be times when I believe sharing one particular piece of information with a parent could be helpful. When appropriate, I may first ask the child how they feel about me sharing that information and involve them in that decision.

This helps children experience that their voice matters while also recognizing that adults have a responsibility to keep children safe.

What About Having a Parent in the Playroom?

Sometimes it can be helpful for a parent to participate in a session. If I recommend this, or if child appears to strongly desire this, I will explain why and talk with the parent beforehand about what to expect.

It can be surprisingly difficult to watch your child play in ways that bring up strong emotions for you. You may see something that makes you want to correct, reassure, explain, teach, or intervene. The playroom has different expectations than home. That's not because the rules of everyday life don't matter. It's because the therapeutic environment is intentionally structured to allow the therapist to observe, understand, and support the child's communication and regulation.

Parent participation is something that should be prepared for and approached collaboratively.

Things I Ask Parents to Avoid

There are a few things that can unintentionally make the therapeutic process more difficult.

1. Asking, "What did you talk about?"

Instead, try:

"I'm glad you got some time with Lindsey."

Your child can share whatever they want to share.

2. Asking, "Did you have fun?" or saying, "Have fun!"

Play therapy may certainly be enjoyable, but the primary purpose isn't entertainment.

Your child may have had a wonderful session, a difficult session, or a session that felt like work.

Instead, you might say:

"I hope you had a good session."

3. Talking to the therapist about a concern immediately before walking into the playroom

If there is something important you need me to know, please share it through the appropriate parent communication channel or during your parent check-in whenever possible.

This helps protect your child's sense that the playroom is their space.

4. Telling your child what they need to discuss

You can gently suggest something that may be helpful to talk about, but avoid making it a requirement.

5. Using therapy as a threat

Please avoid statements such as:

"I'm going to tell your therapist about this."

Therapy should not become a consequence or something your child fears. We want your child to experience the therapist as a safe person who is there to understand and support them, not as another adult waiting to hear about everything they've done "wrong."

What Can You Do to Support the Process?

There are many things parents can do to support successful therapy.

Be patient and have realistic expectations.

I will continue reminding you of this along the way!

Show up for parent check-ins and sessions.

Your involvement significantly matters.

Attend your own therapy when appropriate.

Parenting is hard, and you deserve support, too.

Honor your child's privacy and confidentiality.

Give them room to decide what they want to share and avoid asking invasive questions.

Remain curious and open-minded.

Sometimes what we see in the playroom doesn't immediately make sense. That's okay. We can stay curious together.

Expect regressions and setbacks.

Progress is rarely linear. Life ebbs and flows, and children will have harder days.

Look for the tiny moments of progress.

Maybe the meltdown was one minute shorter. Maybe your child tolerated a change in plans. Maybe they asked for help instead of giving up. Maybe they recovered from disappointment a little faster.

Practice what we discuss outside of the playroom.

The playroom is only one part of the process. When we identify something that may help your child at home or school, try it when possible—and tell me honestly when something doesn't make sense, doesn't feel right, or isn't working. That information is valuable.

Most Importantly: Your Child Doesn't Have to Do This Alone

Starting therapy can feel like a big step for a child and for a family. Your child doesn't need to walk into the playroom knowing exactly what to say. They don't need to know how to regulate themselves perfectly. They don't need to immediately trust the therapist. They don't need to demonstrate progress every session. And they don't need to be responsible for fixing everything that feels hard.

They get to be a child. And parents don't sit on the sidelines: you are a part of the process, too.

Together, we can make the unknown a little more known and create a space where your child feels understood, supported, and safe enough to grow.