Compassionate Holiday Travel Reminders for Families

So... we’re traveling back to New Jersey to be with my family for Thanksgiving, and we’ll be there for the whole week. We haven’t traveled during this time of year in a while, and there are several layers that will make this trip especially dysregulating for all of us.

My family recently moved into a new area and home, which will feel unfamiliar to the kids. My son is struggling with food intake, and of course, Thanksgiving is based around food. We have decided to go into New York City with a 2, 4, and 5 year old...we must be gluttons for punishment.

Travel means that routines shift, sensory loads increase, and excitement, expectations and stress get braided together. 

So, we’re anticipating dysregulation on all fronts and we’re also preparing ourselves for the tricky moments we may face as parents and partners, including the conversations we need to have ahead of time to stay grounded and connected.  

Side note: I also have recently had several conversations with parents around this topic of influence instead of control of our children's behaviors and dysregulation. We can offer safety, presence, and co-regulation, but we cannot control how our children receive it. Often, parents think if they are providing co-regulation, it should immediately be received with open arms. But that's ultimately not how it works.

This podcast episode can serve as a really helpful reminder of this, especially in relation to travel and holiday stress. We are not in control of how our children experience felt-safety in stressful, unusual, or unknown environments, but it is our responsibility to do the individual work ahead of time so that you can offer safety, connection and co-regulation as much as possible Influence Behaviors, Not Control {EP 101} - Robyn Gobbel

A few grounding reminders for the holiday stress:

1. Dysregulation is information, not a failure

Travel stress doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your child. It’s your bodies reacting to a chaotic, unpredictable environment. It is necessary to be a human and normal. 

2. Influence is powerful, even if it’s invisible

Kids often “use” our regulation later—once they’re safe, quiet, or asleep. The impact isn’t always in the moment, but that doesn't mean it isn't landing. You'll know this when you see your child trying to help someone else, including their siblings ("It's ok to feel that way, sissy, take a deep breath.")

3. Repair > perfection

Wishing we could be the perfect specimen tends to resonate with so many parents. But children learn more from authentic repair than from flawless regulation (and also is a necessary part of creating secure attachment). Just keep reminding yourselves of this.

4. Lower the bar on everything except connection

During holiday travel:

• fewer expectations

• more transitions warnings

• more sensory outlets

• more compassion for yourself

• more humor

• more explanations and preparation

SCRIPTS FOR ADDITIONAL TRICKY TRAVEL MOMENTS

Feel free to shift tone from calm and soft → clear and firm depending on the situation.

1. When your child melts down in public (airport, car, restaurant)

Regulation-first script:

• “You’re having a really big feeling. I’m right here.”

• “You don’t have to calm down fast. I’ll stay with you.”

• “Your body is overwhelmed. Let’s breathe together when you’re ready.”

  
  

If people are staring and your nervous system escalates:

• (whisper to yourself) “Not an emergency. My child needs safety, not perfection.”

• To your child: “Lots of things are happening around us. I’ve got you.”

  
  

2. When they refuse to transition (boarding, getting in the car, putting on shoes)

Connection → boundary → support:

• “You don’t want to go. I get that.”

• “It’s time to move now.”

• “I’ll help your body if it’s too hard.”

  
  

If they collapse or argue:

• “It’s okay for this to feel tricky. I’m here to help us keep going.”

  
  

3. When they say something rude / yell at you

Co-regulation, not consequence-first:

• “Whoa — that was a big signal. Something’s too much right now.”

• “I’m not upset with you. I want to understand.”

• “Let’s slow everything down.”

  
  

After they soften:

• “Let’s try again in a gentler way. I’ll go first.”

  
  

4. When they are wired, silly, or wild from overstimulation

Regulating energy without shaming it:

• “Your body has so much energy from today!”

• “Let’s get it out safely — want to stomp, push my hands, or race to that tree?”

• “After that, we’ll do a quiet reset.”

  
  

5. When they cling or become very needy with family around

Normalize + anchor safety:

• “It’s okay to stay close to me.”

• “Your body is checking for safety. I’m not going anywhere.”

• “We can warm up slowly.”

  
  

6. When relatives comment on your child’s behavior (“Why are they acting like that?”)

Script that protects your child and your regulation:

• “Travel is a lot for their nervous system. They’ll settle once they adjust.”

• (If you need firmer) “We’re supporting them in the way that works best for them.”

Then turn back to your child to anchor safety:

• “You’re not in trouble. Grownups say confusing things sometimes.”

  
  

7. When you’re the one who gets dysregulated

Repair-focused, calm honesty:

• “I got overwhelmed. I’m going to take a breath so I can come back steady.”

• “You didn’t cause my feelings. I’m resetting.”

• Afterward: “Thanks for being patient. Let’s start over.”

  
  

8. Bedtime in an unfamiliar place

Soothing expectation-setting:

• “It might take longer to fall asleep tonight.”

• “I’ll stay close until your body feels safe.”

• “Nothing is wrong — just new.”

Happy Holidays